First Message Tips That Actually Get Responses
No more “hey” and praying for a miracle.
Intro (Hook):
Let’s be honest, sending the first message on a dating app can feel like launching a paper airplane into a hurricane. Do you go funny? Deep? Chill? Do you comment on their dog or ask about their last meal?
Truth is, first messages do matter but not in the “overthink it until your thumbs cramp” way. With just a few simple strategies, you can start real conversations that actually go somewhere. Because let’s face it: you’re not here for endless swiping and dead-end chats. You’re here for connection and that starts with a message that feels like more than an awkward emoji or a copy-paste line.
Let’s dive into how to stand out in a sea of “hey :)”
1. Ditch the Generic “Hey” (Seriously, just... don’t)
“Hey” is not a message. It’s the dating equivalent of a blank page.
When you start with something vague and low-effort, the person on the other end has to do all the work. And in the wild world of apps, no one’s trying that hard for someone they don’t know yet.
Instead:
Open with something specific: a comment on their profile, a shared interest, or even a quirky observation.
“Okay, I have to know where did you get that giant donut in your third photo?!”
“You’re into sci-fi and good tacos. We might have to discuss priorities.”
Why it works:
It shows you’re engaged, observant, and bonus it gives them something easy to respond to.
2. Reference Something in Their Profile (Yes, That Means Reading It)
If they took the time to write a bio or choose interesting photos, use that to your advantage.
“You mentioned you’re into pottery are we talking Ghost movie vibes or legit ceramic skills?”
“I see you like hiking. Mountains, forests, or ‘walk to brunch and call it a day’ type of hiker?”
Avoid:
Generic comments like “Nice smile :)” they’ve heard it a thousand times.
Pro tip: Compliments are great, just make them specific and clever.
3. Use Questions That Spark Real Conversation
Not every question has to be life-changing, but open-ended questions are your friend.
Try:
- “What’s the most unhinged message you’ve ever gotten on here?”
- “If we were to grab food right now, what would you be craving?”
- “What’s something totally ordinary that makes your day better?”
Why it works:
These kinds of questions are playful, human, and give you insight into their vibe. Plus, they avoid the stale small talk trap.
4. Show Some Personality (And Humor, If That’s Your Thing)
You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian, but showing you your energy, your tone, your quirk makes a difference.
“Okay, I’m conducting a very serious poll: socks with sandals unforgivable or secretly genius?”
“Your cat looks like it’s planning world domination. I respect that.”
Humor builds connection. If someone doesn’t vibe with your tone, they’re not your person and that’s a good thing to learn early.
5. Keep It Short(ish) But Not Lazy
Aim for 1–3 sentences max. Enough to give context, show effort, and spark interest not so much that you’re writing a mini memoir to someone who might reply with “lol.”
Avoid:
- Walls of text
- Leading with trauma or oversharing
- Trying too hard to be deep right away (save the TED Talk for date three)
Closing Takeaway:
The truth is, a good first message isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present. Thoughtful, curious, and maybe a little bold.
You’re not trying to win someone over in 3 lines. You’re just showing up as someone worth responding to because you are.
So go ahead. Send the message. The worst that happens? You don’t hear back. The best? You open a door to something real.
Either way, you’re still in control. You’re still thriving in your Solo State of Mind
Bonus: A Messaging Formula You Can Steal
If you want a structure that works every time, try this:
[Friendly Opener] + [Something Specific About Them] + [Playful Question]
Example:
“Hi! Your road trip photo gave me serious travel envy. Have you always been into solo trips, or was that a spontaneous moment?”
